Stories vs. Reality: A Distinction That Can Change Your Life

Have you ever stopped to think about how much of your daily life is shaped by stories—not reality? It’s a subtle but crucial distinction that reveals how human beings function, why our understanding of the world often goes astray, and how this impacts our anger, stress, and overall happiness.

Let’s dive into this key insight and uncover how recognizing the difference between stories and reality can transform your life.

Abraham Lincoln’s Simple but Powerful Lesson

Thomas Sowell shared this story about Abraham Lincoln:

“Abraham Lincoln once asked an audience how many legs a dog has if you count the tail as a leg. When they answered ‘five,’ Lincoln told them the answer was four. The fact that you called the tail a leg did not make it a leg.”

This story highlights a profound truth: just because we label or believe something doesn’t make it real.

It’s a distinction we often forget, but it has significant consequences. When our understanding of reality is wrong, it can lead to unnecessary problems, stress, and even anger.

Human Beings: The Storytellers

As humans, we are storytellers by nature.

Unlike any other species, we use language to create narratives about our experiences, ourselves, and the world around us. From bedtime stories to blockbuster movies, storytelling permeates every aspect of our lives.

But there’s a catch: not all stories are rooted in reality.

Stories vs. Reality

Think about these historical examples of stories we once believed:

• The Earth is flat.

• Running a mile in under four minutes is impossible.

• Traveling to the moon is beyond human capability.

Each of these stories was widely accepted—but none were true. They were simply narratives that shaped our perception of reality until evidence proved otherwise.

Now, consider how many stories you might be telling yourself daily that are equally untrue.

Stories We Tell Ourselves

Some of the most impactful stories are the ones we tell about ourselves:

• “There’s something wrong with me.”

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “Other people are smarter or more capable than I am.”

• “I don’t deserve to be happy or loved.”

• “They keep making me angry.”

These are just stories—narratives we’ve created in our minds. But does repeating them make them true? As Abraham Lincoln pointed out, it does not.

Why This Matters: Stories and Emotions

Our emotions—anger, stress, sadness, anxiety—don’t arise from reality itself. They come from the stories we tell ourselves about reality.

For example:

• You feel angry because you believe someone “shouldn’t” have treated you a certain way.

• You feel stressed because you tell yourself you’re “falling behind” at work.

• You feel anxious because you believe the future will bring failure or rejection.

In each case, the emotion isn’t caused by reality—it’s caused by the story your brain has constructed. And the more those stories diverge from reality, the more unnecessary emotional turmoil you’ll experience.

The Impact on Anger and Stress

When it comes to anger and stress, the distinction between stories and reality is particularly critical.

If you’re frequently angry, it’s likely because you’re telling yourself stories that aren’t entirely true. The same goes for stress—your mind is spinning narratives about pressure, expectations, or future failures that may not align with reality.

These false stories fuel negative emotions and make life feel harder than it needs to be.

How to Change Your Stories

Here’s the good news: just as stories can create problems, they can also solve them.

By changing the narratives you tell yourself, you can transform your emotions, relationships, and overall experience of life.

For example:

• Instead of “They keep making me angry,” try: “What stories am I telling myself about their actions, and are they all true?”

• Instead of “I’ll never succeed,” ask: “Is this failure final, or just part of the learning process?”

Shifting your stories doesn’t mean ignoring reality. It means aligning your perceptions with what’s actually true—and letting go of the unhelpful narratives that hold you back.

Change Your Stories, Change Your Life

You’ve probably heard phrases like:

• “Change your thoughts, change your life.”

• “Change your habits, change your life.”

• “Change your body, change your life.”

Now, here’s one more to add to the mix:

“Change your stories, and you’ll change your life—and your anger and stress levels, too.”

When you learn to distinguish between stories and reality, you gain the clarity and emotional freedom to navigate life’s challenges with ease.

The Path Forward

So, how do you start?

1. Notice Your Stories: Pay attention to the narratives running through your mind. Are they grounded in reality, or are they assumptions, exaggerations, or fears?

2. Question Their Truth: Ask yourself, “Is this story true? Is it helpful? What evidence do I have to support it?”

3. Rewrite the Narrative: Replace false or harmful stories with ones that reflect reality and empower you to move forward.

Final Thoughts

The distinction between stories and reality is simple but profound. By understanding this difference, you can reduce anger, stress, and other negative emotions—and create a life rooted in clarity and peace.

Are you ready to change your stories and change your life? If so, check out my book, Dr. Orman’s Life-Changing Anger Cure, to discover how to uncover the real causes of your emotions and rewrite your inner narratives.

👉 Get your copy here: Dr. Orman’s Life-Changing Anger Cure

Remember: The stories you tell yourself shape your world. Make them true, empowering, and aligned with reality.