Blaming Yourself Or Others
Dr. Mort Orman here and this week, I will be focusing on three more very common internal causes of stress.
All internal causes of human stress can be divided into two major categories of causes:
1) internal thoughts, beliefs, theories, assumptions and other cognitive factors: and
2) internal behavior patterns, behavioral tendencies, behavior habits and other actions, including our failure to take certain actions.
All three of the causes I’ll be discussing this week fall into the second category of internal causes—stress-producing action or inaction patterns.
The Blame Game
Whenever things go wrong, one of our first automatic behavioral impulses is to look for someone or something to blame.
Blaming is so widespread and automatic in our society that we mistakenly conclude it is an appropriate way to respond.
The truth about blaming, however, is that it’s often based upon faulty perceiving.
For example, when we narrow our field of vision to focus only on one element (or one person) in a complex chain of causal events, we fail to account for the other causes involved.
For instance, when something goes wrong and we immediately (i.e. automatically) single out just one person for blame, we may have missed any role we might have played, or others might have played, in bringing about the undesired outcome.
This same dynamic applies when we inappropriately blame ourselves, as if no other people or factors played a contributory role.
Blame And Our Emotions
Our automatic tendencies to blame ourselves or others is at the heart of two very common human emotions: anger and guilt.
When we are angry at someone (or something) other than ourselves, we are always engaged in automatic blaming.
We hold other people (or things) responsible for something undesirable that happened, and we tend to view ourselves and others as being more or less innocent.
Similarly, whenever we are feeling guilty, we are blaming ourselves for something bad that may have happened.
Occasionally, such unilateral (i.e. totally one-sided) blame may be appropriate, but more often than not, other causative factors played a role as well.
So the behavior pattern of blame can play a role (often hidden from view) in causing many types of stress we experience.
Frequently, this behavior pattern results in stress in our relationships, both at home and at work.
Also, as we’ve just seen, it plays a big role in causing us to feel angry, guilty, or experience other forms of emotional distress.
Misguided Intentions
In addition, blaming usually makes things worse rather than better.
One of the key reasons blaming has become so widely and deeply established in our society is because we assume it will ultimate make things better.
We blame not just to chastise or punish other people, but to hopefully improve their (and our) future performance.
Unfortunately, most people intuitively understand that when they are being blamed, the person doing the blaming is not honestly assessing all of the relevant causes.
Thus, blaming tends to produce a lasting residue of resentment and ill feelings.
Consider that If you are concerned about helping others improve their future performance, there might be better and less damaging ways to go about doing this.
To your health, happiness and success,
Dr. Mort Orman, M.D., International Speaker, Author And Founder Of The Stress Mastery Academy | http://DocOrman.com
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