Kicking Your Seeing Eye Dog
A very common stress-producing action pattern in human relationships is a pattern I call KICKING YOUR SEEING-EYE DOG.
This pattern is particularly common among both married couples and couples who break up prior to getting married.
Opposites Attract
KICKING YOUR SEEING-EYE DOG is based upon the principle that opposites attract.
Most of us become attracted to other people not because they are similar to us, but because they possess certain talents, skills, and qualities we lack.
This is why outgoing individuals often end up with shy, introverted partners.
It is also why intellectually-oriented people tend to marry emotion-oriented individuals, and why impatient people often end up with slow, leisurely-paced mates.
What Attracted You To Your Partner?
If you think about your own romantic relationship, you’ll probably notice that you and your spouse (or lover) differ in many ways.
For example, my wife, Christina, and I differ from each other in the following ways:
- One of us is more intellectually oriented, the other is more sensation-emotion oriented.
- One is talkative and outgoing, the other is quiet and reserved.
- One likes sports, the other has little interest in sports.
- One likes camping, the other hates camping.
- One loves the snow, the other dislikes it when it snows.
- One spends money very easily, the other is a cautious saver.
- One likes to go to parties, the other finds excuses to avoid them.
- One likes the kitchen to be clean and neat, the other leaves it messy.
- One likes Apple computers, the other prefers a Windows machine.
- Etc.
When we “fall in love,” part of the attraction is that we hope our partner’s strengths and talents will complement our weaknesses, and also that we can contribute our strengths and abilities in return.
If I am an undisciplined spender, for example, it may be good for me to marry someone who saves (and vice versa).
If I tend to be intellectually-inclined, it might be good for me to have a partner who can remind me of the emotional side of life (and vice versa).
Like someone who knows he or she is “blind”…or otherwise limited in certain areas of life…we often look for others to complement us by functioning as our “seeing-eye dogs.”
And when we find someone special who can fill this valuable role, we tend to marry them to keep them around.
Then We Screw It All Up!
But then, over time, a very curious pattern emerges.
This is the pattern I call KICKING YOUR SEEING-EYE DOG.
Often, it begins very slowly, but eventually it becomes full-blown and threatens to destroy the relationship.
KICKING YOUR SEEING-EYE DOG is the pattern that begins when you make the decision to try to change your partner into someone who thinks, feels, and acts just like you.
Instead of respecting and appreciating your partner’s differences, you begin to judge them negatively for being who they are.
Instead of appreciating and keeping yourself open to what their differences have to offer you, you embark upon a foolish and futile project to change them to be more like you.
This common pattern makes no sense at all.
Indeed, if we were more aware of it, we would stop it very quickly.
It’s as though one day we recognize we are “blind,” so we go out and find a seeing-eye dog to be our partner.
Then, we “bring the dog home” and every time it tries to pull us in a certain direction, we kick it for disturbing us.
This is exactly what we do to our spouses and other loved ones.
No wonder they resent us and claim, quite correctly, that we don’t respect or appreciate them.
Sure, living with someone who thinks, feels and sometimes behaves very differently from you can be a challenge.
But don’t forget what attracted you to that person in the first place.
Don’t forget how much their differences can contribute to you…if you just accept them, honor them, and value them as you did early on.
To your health, happiness and success,
Dr. Mort Orman, M.D., International Speaker, Author And Founder Of The Stress Mastery Academy | http://DocOrman.com
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